Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
