My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
