It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Dick very happy bro
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
