i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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