You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
