how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
