420 ftw
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i think i have two assholes
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
