he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
