you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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