WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
