just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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