At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
