I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
