I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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