So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
