Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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