we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
