Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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