My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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