this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
