Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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