so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
