You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
