Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
