Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
