batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
