I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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