I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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