I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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