Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
