Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
