I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
