Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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