Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
