I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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