People in love make me want to vomit
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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