I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
