Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
