the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
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