I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
