I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
