I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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