Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
