I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
