We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
