I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
