So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
