just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
