got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just gift wrapped bread.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
