I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
