we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
My ATM looks so different sober.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
