were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
