Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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